Wednesday, September 26, 2012


Groaner: Retiring Cop

A detective who spent his entire career in plain clothes
quit the police force and bought a farm.

"What kind of crops do you plan to grow?" the police chief
asked the farmer-to-be.

"Carrots and potatoes," the man replied.

"Why carrots and potatoes?" asked the chief.

"Because," answered the ex-detective, "I'm very fond of
undercover crops."

Growing up, our family physician was also a family friend. His wife was very buxom, which was the word used for a woman with well-endowed mammary tissue.
The joke she told us all one night at a dinner party painted a vivid picture of her on my memory. There had been a man, reported in our small town, who walked up behind women and 'goosed' them and then got away quickly without being caught or identified.
Well, Dorothea Donoho, trapped him. She recounted that upon feeling his hand sliding up under her skirt, she waited just long enough for him to start 'goosing', when she "tightened up her buttocks and proceeded to march him right down to the police station." She retold the tale with complete animation of the event, showing how she walked with her prisoner entrapped behind her. With a wiggle accentuating her slender waist, all the tissue above her belt bounced most vigorously, while her lower half was intensely rigid in purpose to not let go.  

Monday, September 24, 2012

Monday Good Humor

Remembering Jokes that make me laugh:
My father's favorite DuPont story -> "Better Living Through Chemistry" - Mrs. DuPont and Mrs. Scott of 'Scott Paper Company' had a running rivalry regarding their husband's corporate creations. One day during a bridge luncheon they both attended regularly, Mrs. Scott told Mrs. DuPont that her husband's company had just created a toilet paper that was so soft and so efficient at cleansing that it would be the customers' favorite choice. Never to be 'out done', Mrs. DuPont exclaimed that once her husband's R & D Chemical and Pharmaceutical engineer's product hit the markets, the need for toilet paper would be greatly diminished!
Mrs. Scott replied that she was delusional with her fantasy. Au contraire, said Mrs. DuPont. With one daily capsule, the solids that were to be eliminated would leave the body wrapped neatly in cellophane. !!!!

Dr. AM's rhyming timing:

The Farmer's Daughters. Once a farmer had 4 teen-aged daughters that he fiercely kept from dating. On one Saturday, all 4 pleaded with their father, saying they had each met someone nice they would like to go out with and he could meet the boys with his shotgun as they came over for their pre-arranged dates.

That evening, the farmer sat in his rocker next to the front door, with his shotgun across his lap.
The first boy approached him and said: "Hello Sir, My name is Eddy and I'm here to date Betty. We are going out for Spaghetti. Is she ready? "   Father farmer yelled in the house for Betty to come out side and he allowed them to leave together to go get spaghetti.

The second boy drove up to the house and approached the farmer. "Hello Sir, My name is Lance. I'm here to take Nancy to a square dance. Has she dressed fancy and remembered her petty-pants?"
Father farmer yelled for Nancy to come out side  and be sure to wear her long petty-pants - and he allowed them to drive off to the dance.

The third boy arrived on a bicycle built for two and introduced himself: "Good evening Sir, my name is Joe.
I'm here to date Flo. We're going to the picture show. Is she ready to go?"
Father farmer yelled inside for Flo and let her go on the bicycle with Joe to the picture show.

The fourth boy arrived and greeted Father farmer: Howdy Mister, My name is Chuck.
With that, the farmer aimed the shotgun at him and fired.